What is it that causes the misunderstanding between the sexes?
Well its a known sociological fact that when men talk, they look at the person they are speaking too. When men listen, they stop what they are doing and look at the person speaking to them. Women on the other hand, do not necessarily look at the person they are speaking to nor do they as a rule look at the person they are listening too.
It is also widely recognised that men listen to the entire point and then may utter a single sound in acknowledgement of receipt of that point. Women on the other hand offer constant acknowledgement whilst listening using either body language or complex utterances.
Now lets mix up the two paragraphs above and see what we get…
A male talking to a female: The man looks at the woman but the woman does not necessarily stop what she is doing and look at the man. The man makes several points with the woman constantly uttering comment in return. The end result of this exchange is; the man feels the woman is not listening to him and her constant utterances are a sign of disdain or patron-ism. The woman believes she is listening to everything being said and is simply actively listening.
A female talking to a male: The woman does not necessarily look at the man and subsequently the man believes he is not being spoken to directly. At the end of the monologue he may offer a single utterance in acknowledgement of all that has gone before him. This simply reinforces the woman’s opinion that the man is not listening.
So the obvious solution to this is:
Men – constantly mutter and nod when being spoken to by a woman. There is no need to retain eye contact. They will see this as a sign of your complete attention. You on the other hand can continue about your earlier business without further thought.
Woman – stop what you are doing and look at the man. Say absolutely nothing until he has finished and then nod once or murmur once in approval. He will interpret this as a sign of your complete attention. As woman are supposedly able to do several things at once, behind the silent and constant gaze you can continue with your earlier thoughts.
If both sexes follow these simple rules, both sexes will think that the other sex is attentive when being spoken too. This will go a long way to averting 90% of all misunderstandings.
[Some readers may note that I have deliberately omitted any mention of the content of any communication and the obvious fact that that in itself can be the cause of a misunderstanding].
Tags: communication, female, male