The English language is wonderful and never more so than when used to describe things. Recently, I was presented with what by all accounts appeared to be a dilemma and was asked for my advice and after due consideration found that the dilemma itself contained the very answer the person sought.
The dilemma surrounded the question as to whether to actively pursue a potential relationship or not and my answer was thus, a relationship between two people can be likened to the natural angle of repose of beach sand. In essence whatever course of action you choose, the laws of nature (or life) will dictate and win out so don’t do anything you’re not prepared to back up with 24/7 support.
Lets bring in the beach sand and I’ll explain.
Take the humble sand dune. Beach sand has a natural angle of repose of about 34 degrees, that is to say a pile of dry beach sand left to its own devices will have sides that are at 34 degrees to the horizontal. So the wind will blow and the sand dune will move but in the end the new sand dune will still have sides at 34 degrees. Humans can come along and dig away the side of the dune to create a steeper angle but the dune will collapse until the sides are once again at 34 degrees to the horizontal. We can flatten the sand dune and spread the sand everywhere but as soon as the wind blows and nature has a say in things, the sand collects and starts to form a dune with sides AT 34 DEGREES… you get the picture.
So whatever we do to that sand dune, if we try and make it higher with steeper sides or try to flatten it and give it very shallow sides, none of our actions will have any lasting effect if simply left un supported. That ‘sand dune’ will need constant 24/7 intervention if we hope to retain any lasting changes.
And the same goes for relationships.
There is for want of another word, a natural angle of repose for every relationship, a certain ‘status-quo’ or ‘modus operandi’ that a relationship adheres to and trying to change that ‘certain something’ is a pointless exercise unless you are prepared to back it up with 24/7 support. The reason being that just like beach sand, that’s what nature (and life) intended.
So YES, actively ‘pursue the potential relationship’ but be aware that you will need to support those actions from here on in or things will only return to how they were before you applied those actions.
Or conversely NO, actively ‘block the relationship’ if you so choose but be aware that you will also need to back this stance up with similar actions for ‘forever and a day’ otherwise the relationship will simply return to the fore.
And lastly perhaps do nothing to either ‘pursue or block the relationship’ and if it’s meant to be then it will be. Just like nature and the wind collects up all the sand and returns it to 34 degrees, so to will life drive the two of you together and a ‘relationship’ will form of its own accord.